Category Archives: Motivation

How a single app made me fall in love again

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Turquoise header, pastel orange profile icon with my name written in it’s full legal form, followed below by another turquoise sub-header with the words written:

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Followed by:

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The visual sight of these words on this app is making my pupils dilate, breaths shorten, heart racing, stuffed with butterflies and palms sweating. No.. no “Mom’s spaghetti” just yet, even though the feeling was overwhelming. Do these feelings sound familiar to you at all? Yeah, I’m recognizing that all these feelings I’ve once felt before in my life. This crazy embodiment of infatuation for a very ambitious “want” for my future. Respectively, this feeling may be the case for many of you, this feeling occurs most often when you meet that special somebody in which you can see no faults. Something or someone who you believe can love forever. In my case, this time it is something rather than someone. This story of that “someone”, I will save for next time.

I want you to take a look at this screenshot:

Days that I will never get back

Notice anything? These numbers in this screenshot represent something anyone can recognize. The first visual I tried to elicit in the beginning of this blog post, I had encountered an enormous gut-wrenching feeling of serotonin coursing through my veins to the point that I felt anxious. Excited, but anxious. You have probably already guessed what the numbers might represent. You are probably very precarious for the first number. The number, “5”.

This number five equates to years I value as the most important of my life.
This number five represents me in its entirety
This number five demonstrates the things I can achieve in my life
This number five helps me recognize all my inefficiencies
This number five helps me keep moving when future failures occur

 

You’ve probably guessed it by now, and if you haven’t yet. Not only does this number five represent a number of years I have been through but also THE number of years I have felt like I’ve wasted. That same old feeling of “regret” partnered with the big old SIGH. This is often known as Anxiety. The feeling that is often undertaken by your own denial. That exact feeling you had going into every test or quiz you weren’t ready for. That DEEP breath you can’t seem to suppress due to a “moment of stress” a.k.a. Anxiety. Sometimes it happens with almost no context. It just overwhelms you and takes you for a spin with what it feels like a black hole inside of your body. With every breath you take, being tenser each time. The important take away that I got from having deep-rooted Anxiety is to really acknowledge the fact that it’s present, not past or future, but present. When I’m ready for it, I feel like I am more prepared to accept it as it happens and am able to re-zone myself. Just like when an experienced soccer player would be able to predict the next move. To be able to transcribe that ability into your own mind so you can only benefit from it.

Here’s another metaphor cause I’m in love with metaphors:

Someone who’s never done a backflip or frontflip will never know how until they have experienced through trial and error. To be able to confidently jump knowing what will happen next knowing there is a risk. The reward? Well, pretty evidently landing that back or front flip is the most satisfying feeling (As seen on YouTube). So what is your mental frontflip that you’re afraid of? It’s okay to wipe out and fall flat-out. The most effective way to learn it is to try it for yourself. Some people find it easier than others. For me, it took five years to really figure out that I’m in a pretty shitty situation in my life. For you, it may take longer or shorter. Don’t compare yourself to me or anyone else. This is your frontflip to learn. I used frontflip because I’m trying to plant a subconscious idea in your head for forward thinking. See what I did there? 😉

**By no means is this the exact same for everyone. I am trying to articulate how I feel and hopefully help some of you out there discover or raise a few questions for yourself to see if this is true for you.

Today was an intense emotional ride for myself in particular. The moment I saw the hours I spent in the past 5 years I realized how much time I could have used for my future. Instead, I’ve collectively spent AT LEAST 10% of those hours in video games. Yeah.. 43,800 hours and I spend a nice minimum of 4380 hours in video games. If I spent even a quarter of that time (1095 hours) in trying to manage my life better. I could have been in a better place. To wrap things up here’s a quote from Drake,

“Better late than never but never late is better”

Yes, it is indeed cliché, but don’t block yourself from these clichés as they may be the most important lessons of life to learn from. They have become notoriously cliché for a reason.

Unfortunately, we have come to a conclusion and bringing this blog post to a close. I will end it with explaining why I feel like I’ve fallen in love again. I feel like there’s hope, I actually applied to Video Design and Production as the last choice. Little did I know when I got accepted into it I felt like it should have been my first and only choice. Weird right. I am literally shaking with anticipation and excitement for what this next year has to bring, just like that moment when that special someone says yes to you. Just like that moment when that special someone asks you out. No words can explain it, just sheer joy. The next step is to discover what it’s all about and see if you want to stay in it for life. I never thought life could be like this but right now, it’s looking bright! They say that there’s a silver lining on every cloud. Man did this past cloud feel like it was longest and darkest one ever. I’m so happy I can see the horizon clearing up for a brighter tomorrow.

Anywho, I won’t keep you. Too-da-loo! I hope to hear from you guys to see what questions you might have for me. I hope you guys have an amazing day and subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already! I promise it’ll be worth your while. At least I’ll try my very hardest haha.

I got lucky to be Irrelevant in high school

If we played with Fisherprice toys in our childhood we most likely have been to the evilest place on the planet, high school. This vile place for many is often caused by the social hierarchy involved. Personally, within this social ladder, I consider myself as the floater. The one who goes around to every group trying to fit in and be a part of something. Tried that for about two years and discovered that I can never commit to one group. Mainly due to the people within it which I can not bare or vice versa. I became aware that I disliked being surrounded by people who act differently when I’m alone with them versus while in the group.

I gradually became a solo act, started by skateboarding with a couple other people. Which they over time, fell out of it but I kept pushing along. I quickly discovered that I was beginning to learn the words, extroverted and introverted so I googled it. According to my research, I felt like I was extroverted at the same time introverted, I discovered that I resonate with being ambiverted.

Of course, I did not know how to interpret this at 16 years old. Being a guy, on average I have not been in the social realm for as long as girls have. I mean, during recess in grade school, I played with worms and sports while girls messed with each other’s minds and emotions. My thoughts were always very short termed and temporary. I became angry at the world for not accepting me. Fast forward six years, today along with the main point of this post is this.

Every single Facebook status I make, every tweet, every Instagram post has a new perspective that caught my attention. The people who bothered to click “Like” MEANT to click “Like”. I do not get any “pity” likes just because people want to impress me. Of course, it is daunting at times, but to know that the friends who were always trying to impress others get quantity likes due to others wanting to “maintain” a good connection. I don’t have to second guess my audience and waste my time asking myself if people ACTUALLY like my content. I can push out what I love and not even think twice. This is all thanks to my irrelevance in high school to be able to fear less.

To wrap this up, if I were to give myself advice from when I was going into high school it would be this:

Start skateboarding now so you become independent sooner due to the drive when you fill your head full of passion vs lack of passion. Make your mistakes now and make them grande. It’ll hurt less when you don’t understand it at the same time it’ll help you have major key epiphanies as you grow up. Succeeding 7/14 is better than 2/2. You succeeded 5 more times than 2/2. You also get feedback in those 7 times you’ve failed either from your own understanding or from others. As for the 2/2, when you fail you will feel hopeless since you are inexperienced in failing. Notice how I’m not swearing? Yeah, that is because when you do. It’ll be that much more fucking impactful, Jacky.

 

I want to take this time to thank you all for reading this post! It means a lot you guys consumed this, to begin with. Feel free to click around to view more of my brain’s ponderous moments. If you believe it is worth it, throw me a “Like” or a comment so I know you enjoy what I’m putting out!

Why do we fear talking about the things that make us Vulnerable?

Many people talk about their start-up successes from dying to flying. Not enough people talk about their mental success from crying to trying. From what I’ve been through in my life during tragedies, I learned some valuable lessons. No one cares about me. They all have their own lives as complex and vivid as our own. The unofficial word for this I believe is Sonder. Click the word to watch a magical video story on it.

So here I am pondering every single day stuck with my brain churning emotions and thoughts. One question that is reoccurring in my mind is, “How can I get others to care?” One conclusion I have come up over the years is, if am able to connect with others and show value to them, then maybe they would care. To speak out my testimony, not for pity but to show my growth and possibly attempt to inspire a drive within them to WANT to TRY. Often times that is the underlying issue, where someone feels like it is not WORTH trying to begin with. I don’t care for your possessions or your assets. What I care is for your well-being.

Mind you, chasing happiness is no different than chasing money. They are both very earthly bound matters. Think about it. Only on this planet earth, you can feel the emotion of “happiness”. Also, the same place where you find money. So if chasing happiness or money is both toxic. What is something we should strive to achieve? I believe having sought after happiness after my parents’ divorce, I always inevitably feel a low no matter how happy I became. Thus, I don’t believe there is one true happiness. To be happy for the rest of my life is just not realistic. I’ve come to realize that I just have to be able to be there for someone even if it is myself. When the worse comes to worst or the good becomes great. So if I want to leave a legacy behind I have to put myself in a position where I can handle anything life throws at me. By being able to “handle it”, I mean to really be able to keep your own morals and judgment at the same humbled manner no matter how rich or poor you are, emotionally or financially.

I love people. I love what the world has to offer because it is a true test of what someone is able to do to become world class. But in the very end, a casket is a casket. Whether wood, metal or marble. Blood is blood whether A, B or O. You are on this earth. This earth is accepting. Just reach out and make something of it. The world won’t care if you don’t care. If you care about yourself and your own mental well-being. Make that known. Others will be right there to support you. STAY WEAK.

“STAY STRONG” the phrase that sets you up for failure

If you have ever been told these two words, “Stay Strong”. They are setting you up for failure. Through the years of trying to understand my own demise, I learned a few things. Every single time I was told to stay strong I did not know how to process that in my head. I have never believed I was ever “strong”. So the question becomes, how can I STAY strong if I’ve never even felt strong to begin with? This leads to another question I started asking myself, “How can I connect with people who feel worthless inside?” Personally, every single time I hear the phrase “Stay Strong” I almost immediately block it out and classify the other person as they have nothing better to contribute. No matter how much they might have meant it.

So I started practicing staying weak. I told people about all the struggles I am going through and how I am actively trying to get out of it. I tell people my plan and goals no matter how small it might have been. The one reoccurring pattern I found is people trust me a lot more. People are willing to open up about their own struggles to me as if we are in it together. I believe once we are able to accept the fact that we are weak and give a voice to our weakness. We can bind together as one strong unit and conquer anything that comes into our path. What is something you believe to be a great achievement? To make something of what you’re passionate about right? If you are passionate about defeating depression or anxiety, take down those walls and give a voice to it. Let yourself speak out and listen to what others have to say. The people who say things you dislike, move on from them. The people who tell you that you can’t tell them that they’re right. Because what you can’t is being associated with them. People who are weak stay together and fight together with no judgment. People who are weak bind together with a cause bigger than the human connection. This is what makes it Magical.

Let those people who are trying to restrict you say what they want. People who try to restrict you are the people who ARE restricted. Release yourself from these kinds of people and seek the people whom are self-seeking. Seek the people who care but do not rely on them. Rely on yourself. Give yourself the voice you so desperately need. If you feel like you’re going to turn all your friends away let that be. You will only attract people who will love you for you. These are the things I’ve tried in my past until today and I only make these posts because I have discovered something that is reoccurring positivity.

The Tower of Success

Since a young age, we were all introduced to the idea of working towards success no matter the significance of the reward. Just the other day I was talking to a good friend about my past relationship of why it went south. After that break-up, I had many life epiphanies. I thought that the relationship was worth so much to me as it normally would for many people. The only person aside from my family whom I would truly indulge my entire well-being, mentally and physically. Someone I believe in so wholeheartedly that I do not necessarily need to know where they are headed in life and still have faith that they would find a way to be happy. Her intentions in life were so pure, where I felt like I was the one tainting her. So this article, “The Tower of Success” stems from the thoughts after my break-up.

Throwing my life into a spiral, my mind naturally went into problem-solving mode. Asking the infamous “what if…” questions which inevitably ended in very irrational thoughts. Every single time I caught myself asking “what if…” I follow up with a “now what?”. Having done this, I came to a clear conscious conclusion while speaking with my friend. He asked me, “What happened between the two of you?”. To simply put it, being who I am, I used an analogy.

This was my answer:

Imagine a structure the size of a Jenga tower. It is imperative to use such a scale to see the “bigger picture”. This is the representation of Success (The Tower of Success). So the people who have already made it to the top have laid out ladders for those who are trying to get to the top. These are the clearest ways as we all start out in life, to climb these ladders and achieve each level of success. Now, this is why the scaling of this tower is important at your point of view. Without this point of view, you will not see how many little specks are scattered around this tower trying to build a jetpack, rocketship, catapult or some sort of elevation device. These are your innovators, your one cousin or sibling who seemingly can never hold a job but has big ambitions. These are the people who constantly try to figure out their own way instead of using an already established method to get to the top. They are the people who believe the risk of losing everything is worth it, in the end, they are doing the things where their passions lay. The trade-off is that sometimes these innovations may die with them, unfinished. Everyone who are climbing the ladder may very well have already made it to the top. What my girlfriend at the time did not understand is why I am willing to keep struggling through what I believe in and earn little to nothing, yet still, continuing to do the things I do. I am willing to die for what I believe in even if it does not take me anywhere in life, financially. Let us say that the day comes and my innovation works. Lifting me up to the top faster than anything and anyone could have imagined. Imagine how many people who are climbing these ladders would voluntarily head down these ladders to try my innovation. Imagine how many lives I have impacted, what my once considered, “ludicrous beliefs” have manifested into. This is what pushes me to continue to strive and do what I believe in no matter what anyone says.

My question to you to finish this off is:

If you consider yourself as being “alive”, then don’t you think experiencing all the lows of life are just as if not MORE important than the highs?

Pain Tolerance

People are always scared to share their pasts when pain is involved. We hate to live through that experience even if it’s just being reminded of it. We fear others judging us cause no one likes being picked on – singled out as being weird or abnormal. We inevitably want to be treated as an equal to society. So we naturally start comparing ourselves and our pains with others. Thus, people start judging one another by saying things like, “At school, she’s so fake.” or “OMG what an attention whore!” To be honest, no one’s pain is necessarily more than someone else’s. Think of it like this. An 8oz cup when filled up is considered “full” but also a 2oz cup when filled up is also considered “full”. You can’t say the 8oz cup is fuller than the 2oz. In other words, just because someone hasn’t gone through what you have doesn’t mean that the pain is any more or less than yours. How could you, being an 8oz cup possibly know how it’s like to live as a 2oz cup? Vice versa. Different struggles. Different lives. You will never know. So, instead of judging one another, I encourage you guys to care and help each other and just listen. It will help you get through different hardships that we might be in. So what if you think they’re fake? Just reach out and let them know you’ll be there when they need someone. Share with people your pain and suffering, people are always willing to listen to you and lend you a hand in one way or another. If the first person won’t, the second person will. There are 7 billion people in the world and you only need the sincere help from one of them. Keep trying, keep fighting, don’t give up.

Happiness – The Belittled Emotion

Handfuls, maybe hundreds of millions of people often come across these things rarely known across the universe known as emotions. Some even say inanimate objects have them. Okay, that’s stretching it. Broken up, there are generally two types of emotions we experience. The most renowned one is called the negative emotion accompanied by the positive emotion. These kinds of emotions are often what holds us back or pushes us to do something. The negative emotion is the most renowned because they seem to hit us the hardest. We always seem to be questioning our failures and ourselves when we experience them. Negativity is often linked with doubt and with doubt, we start questioning our own abilities.

When we fail, we always ask ourselves, “Why did this happen to me?”, “What did I do wrong?” and insomnia ensues breaking us down until we give up on trying. That’s the extreme version and most common train of thought emotions. This leads us to be able to detect failure early on and stray away!

However, when we succeed we never ask ourselves those same exact questions. We just enjoy it and never really think much of it. We are relaxed and the time seems like it skips itself. Like those times of your childhood when you first learned to ride your bike or discovering how fascinating everything is. Those times you think you are going to die because you can not seem to catch a breath from laughing. Your body trembles and tears up but you are smiling and happy.

Since you have your body and are the master of your hands and feet. It only makes sense to be in control of your mind with your mind. Redundant. Start questioning things in your life that make you happy or feel good as well as sad. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do whether you feel, happy, sad, jealous, greedy, lustful, wishful etc. Every little thing you feel on the inside ask yourself why you feel the way you feel. You are going to surprise yourself and realize that many things make you feel good or bad. You might even find yourself enjoying the little things within something you don’t even like. This leads us to be able to detect happiness early on and thus, take a better shot at whatever that is you’re trying!