Category Archives: Optimism

Why drinking after a “long day” is mentally UNHEALTHY

The alarm goes off 07:00AM but you get up at 07:13. You rush that shower or skip the mascara, those thirteen minutes were just that valuable. Get ready to leave the door by 08:00 to get to work by 09. You feel that right? You already feel this kind of urgency for this particular day that I’m describing. Oh yeah, you also forgot to put on cologne/perfume for the day. Workday begins… Actually, it feels more like it is continuing from yesterday. The only difference is that this time, without a proper shower, cologne or mascara. Most often or not, when this happens I tend to be a little more on edge. These are the type of introverted days where I want to be left alone.

Let’s talk about that.

There are a few reasons I personally would want to be left alone:

  1. Subconsciously, the morning did not go the way I wanted it to
  2. I did not rest well since I couldn’t get up right at 07:00. (Waking up is a mental battle, sleep is a way of numbing/escape) *more on this for my next post*
  3. I probably had a cup of coffee so if I was anxious for the day, it has just been heightened exponentially thanks to caffeine (
  4. I need to gather a few things: myself, my thoughts and to recenter my energy. I can’t have someone or thing distract me and potentially push me over the edge

More factors could play a role if you’re exposed to relationships at home, at work or a simple encounter of a bad commute. You get the picture.

Fast forward the day. Nothing particularly good or bad happened at work. One of those non-memorable days for the most part. Let’s shine some light on this “non-memorable day” and give it a voice.

To me, I feel like these types of days are in a sense, wasted. Especially if it happens often. Let me explain. You weren’t necessarily doing anything to push your life forward. Just as every scene in a decent movie should be pushing the plot forward. Every chapter of a book pushes the narrative towards the conclusion. Unraveling all the intricacies, puzzles, ideas, displaying the underlying truths or to grow and achieve something that propels the character(s) (a.k.a. you) into the next level.

Okay, okay I know you’re itching right about now but hold on. There’s a lot of information to take into account for the question, “Why shouldn’t we drink after a long day.” Let me first explain the difference between selfish vs recreational substance use.

Selfish substance use is when you drink, smoke or consume any substance due to emotion to negate or to feel a different emotion temporarily. Yes, this is a very normal practice and seems harmless. Let’s see if you can agree with me here. If you drink while feeling types of stress, anxiety, grumpiness or maybe you’re in the mindset to be able to utter out the infamous words, “I’m tired”. You’re conditioning yourself to be consuming substances in response to an emotional feeling. This only delays the inevitable mental quiet time you require to figure anything out. Whether to address and learn through what you experienced in the past (i.e. that day). Ultimately to understand what your preferences are for problem solving moving forward. This also ties in with everything else in your life where you would act more so “responsive” (irrationally) and less so “intuitive” (rationally).

So what does recreational substance use mean? Think of the word recreational. Often before engaging in recreational activities, you have researched the subject or substance(s) required for the experience you’re about to endure. This means it is premeditated and you’re doing it for yourself. You’re consciously ready to be indulged into an experience whether good or bad. By yourself, with friends, family or whomever. You’re ready to just let loose and be truly relaxed. Truth be told, I used to trick myself all the time. I told myself that I was doing it recreationally which was to justify smoking a bowl or have a few beers after a long day.

The point here is: be real to yourself and help yourself. You are living your own life, so take control over every aspect. Just like how we can manipulate our fingers to pick things up we need to be able to manipulate our minds to think certain ways. This is 100% achievable by just being aware. We always try to help others but we have to remember: before our heart beats for somebody else our heart beats first and foremost for ourselves. Take care of your heart so you can take care of someone else’s!

Thanks for reading this, it’s been on my heart for a while now after watching my friends smoke or drink after a rough day got me thinking. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and until next time. Love love love!

The Schizophrenic in Me

Schiz, schizo, crazy or even psychopath are ways to describe someone diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

“Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality. Although schizophrenia is not as common as other mental disorders, the symptoms can be very disabling.”

Now, in this article I won’t be using the respective mental illness to it’s literal meaning and diagnosis. This is something I pondered upon time and time again, throughout my childhood and into my adolescence. Could I be borderline schiz? Sure, I might not be medically diagnosed with schizophrenia but sometimes my conscience is so vivid that it feels almost out of body. It drives my heart insane at times thinking of something that’s not really there and basically selling myself the idea of something absolutely outrageous. I would have conversations with myself containing more exchanges than with a friend in some occasions. I know some of you may say this is a pathological behaviour and I 100% agree. This leads me to believe if I had a friend like myself we would be able to constantly bounce ideas off each other. Which is what led me to this thought of the schizophrenic in me.

You see, a lot of times I can’t remember some of the thoughts or conversations I had with myself mainly because I haven’t spoken it aloud. It usually is all in my head therefore it isn’t tangible. Which is why I started blogging. To document down all these absurd thoughts I have that my gut feeling is simply, “amazing”. So that I should jot it down for my future self to look back upon.

I always think back about seven years to see where my mind took me in my life. Needless to say, I’m about to embark on the biggest years going into my mid twenties. Unlike when I was sixteen when I had no idea what was about to unfold in the next seven years. Today, I have an idea of where I wanna be in seven years. This has to be a good thing right? Even if it isn’t, it would be absolutely fascinating to look back in seven years at this very blog post and make another blog post telling the today me that I was able to do some things and how the things I’m hoping for right now either happened or didn’t happen.

I’m totally looking forward in attempting to achieve my goals so to be able to say, “Hey look you did it.” or “Hey look you didn’t get anywhere! Now wake up!” I don’t know.

Hey future self,

as of today you’re hoping for a specific career and lover. Let’s see if it happens. All to it bud. Love you.

2018 self

P.S. Today is your first day of College

How a single app made me fall in love again


Turquoise header, pastel orange profile icon with my name written in it’s full legal form, followed below by another turquoise sub-header with the words written:


Followed by:


The visual sight of these words on this app is making my pupils dilate, breaths shorten, heart racing, stuffed with butterflies and palms sweating. No.. no “Mom’s spaghetti” just yet, even though the feeling was overwhelming. Do these feelings sound familiar to you at all? Yeah, I’m recognizing that all these feelings I’ve once felt before in my life. This crazy embodiment of infatuation for a very ambitious “want” for my future. Respectively, this feeling may be the case for many of you, this feeling occurs most often when you meet that special somebody in which you can see no faults. Something or someone who you believe can love forever. In my case, this time it is something rather than someone. This story of that “someone”, I will save for next time.

I want you to take a look at this screenshot:

Days that I will never get back

Notice anything? These numbers in this screenshot represent something anyone can recognize. The first visual I tried to elicit in the beginning of this blog post, I had encountered an enormous gut-wrenching feeling of serotonin coursing through my veins to the point that I felt anxious. Excited, but anxious. You have probably already guessed what the numbers might represent. You are probably very precarious for the first number. The number, “5”.

This number five equates to years I value as the most important of my life.
This number five represents me in its entirety
This number five demonstrates the things I can achieve in my life
This number five helps me recognize all my inefficiencies
This number five helps me keep moving when future failures occur


You’ve probably guessed it by now, and if you haven’t yet. Not only does this number five represent a number of years I have been through but also THE number of years I have felt like I’ve wasted. That same old feeling of “regret” partnered with the big old SIGH. This is often known as Anxiety. The feeling that is often undertaken by your own denial. That exact feeling you had going into every test or quiz you weren’t ready for. That DEEP breath you can’t seem to suppress due to a “moment of stress” a.k.a. Anxiety. Sometimes it happens with almost no context. It just overwhelms you and takes you for a spin with what it feels like a black hole inside of your body. With every breath you take, being tenser each time. The important take away that I got from having deep-rooted Anxiety is to really acknowledge the fact that it’s present, not past or future, but present. When I’m ready for it, I feel like I am more prepared to accept it as it happens and am able to re-zone myself. Just like when an experienced soccer player would be able to predict the next move. To be able to transcribe that ability into your own mind so you can only benefit from it.

Here’s another metaphor cause I’m in love with metaphors:

Someone who’s never done a backflip or frontflip will never know how until they have experienced through trial and error. To be able to confidently jump knowing what will happen next knowing there is a risk. The reward? Well, pretty evidently landing that back or front flip is the most satisfying feeling (As seen on YouTube). So what is your mental frontflip that you’re afraid of? It’s okay to wipe out and fall flat-out. The most effective way to learn it is to try it for yourself. Some people find it easier than others. For me, it took five years to really figure out that I’m in a pretty shitty situation in my life. For you, it may take longer or shorter. Don’t compare yourself to me or anyone else. This is your frontflip to learn. I used frontflip because I’m trying to plant a subconscious idea in your head for forward thinking. See what I did there? 😉

**By no means is this the exact same for everyone. I am trying to articulate how I feel and hopefully help some of you out there discover or raise a few questions for yourself to see if this is true for you.

Today was an intense emotional ride for myself in particular. The moment I saw the hours I spent in the past 5 years I realized how much time I could have used for my future. Instead, I’ve collectively spent AT LEAST 10% of those hours in video games. Yeah.. 43,800 hours and I spend a nice minimum of 4380 hours in video games. If I spent even a quarter of that time (1095 hours) in trying to manage my life better. I could have been in a better place. To wrap things up here’s a quote from Drake,

“Better late than never but never late is better”

Yes, it is indeed cliché, but don’t block yourself from these clichés as they may be the most important lessons of life to learn from. They have become notoriously cliché for a reason.

Unfortunately, we have come to a conclusion and bringing this blog post to a close. I will end it with explaining why I feel like I’ve fallen in love again. I feel like there’s hope, I actually applied to Video Design and Production as the last choice. Little did I know when I got accepted into it I felt like it should have been my first and only choice. Weird right. I am literally shaking with anticipation and excitement for what this next year has to bring, just like that moment when that special someone says yes to you. Just like that moment when that special someone asks you out. No words can explain it, just sheer joy. The next step is to discover what it’s all about and see if you want to stay in it for life. I never thought life could be like this but right now, it’s looking bright! They say that there’s a silver lining on every cloud. Man did this past cloud feel like it was longest and darkest one ever. I’m so happy I can see the horizon clearing up for a brighter tomorrow.

Anywho, I won’t keep you. Too-da-loo! I hope to hear from you guys to see what questions you might have for me. I hope you guys have an amazing day and subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already! I promise it’ll be worth your while. At least I’ll try my very hardest haha.

Happiness – The Belittled Emotion

Handfuls, maybe hundreds of millions of people often come across these things rarely known across the universe known as emotions. Some even say inanimate objects have them. Okay, that’s stretching it. Broken up, there are generally two types of emotions we experience. The most renowned one is called the negative emotion accompanied by the positive emotion. These kinds of emotions are often what holds us back or pushes us to do something. The negative emotion is the most renowned because they seem to hit us the hardest. We always seem to be questioning our failures and ourselves when we experience them. Negativity is often linked with doubt and with doubt, we start questioning our own abilities.

When we fail, we always ask ourselves, “Why did this happen to me?”, “What did I do wrong?” and insomnia ensues breaking us down until we give up on trying. That’s the extreme version and most common train of thought emotions. This leads us to be able to detect failure early on and stray away!

However, when we succeed we never ask ourselves those same exact questions. We just enjoy it and never really think much of it. We are relaxed and the time seems like it skips itself. Like those times of your childhood when you first learned to ride your bike or discovering how fascinating everything is. Those times you think you are going to die because you can not seem to catch a breath from laughing. Your body trembles and tears up but you are smiling and happy.

Since you have your body and are the master of your hands and feet. It only makes sense to be in control of your mind with your mind. Redundant. Start questioning things in your life that make you happy or feel good as well as sad. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do whether you feel, happy, sad, jealous, greedy, lustful, wishful etc. Every little thing you feel on the inside ask yourself why you feel the way you feel. You are going to surprise yourself and realize that many things make you feel good or bad. You might even find yourself enjoying the little things within something you don’t even like. This leads us to be able to detect happiness early on and thus, take a better shot at whatever that is you’re trying!