Tag Archives: mentality

How a single app made me fall in love again

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Turquoise header, pastel orange profile icon with my name written in it’s full legal form, followed below by another turquoise sub-header with the words written:

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Followed by:

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The visual sight of these words on this app is making my pupils dilate, breaths shorten, heart racing, stuffed with butterflies and palms sweating. No.. no “Mom’s spaghetti” just yet, even though the feeling was overwhelming. Do these feelings sound familiar to you at all? Yeah, I’m recognizing that all these feelings I’ve once felt before in my life. This crazy embodiment of infatuation for a very ambitious “want” for my future. Respectively, this feeling may be the case for many of you, this feeling occurs most often when you meet that special somebody in which you can see no faults. Something or someone who you believe can love forever. In my case, this time it is something rather than someone. This story of that “someone”, I will save for next time.

I want you to take a look at this screenshot:

Days that I will never get back

Notice anything? These numbers in this screenshot represent something anyone can recognize. The first visual I tried to elicit in the beginning of this blog post, I had encountered an enormous gut-wrenching feeling of serotonin coursing through my veins to the point that I felt anxious. Excited, but anxious. You have probably already guessed what the numbers might represent. You are probably very precarious for the first number. The number, “5”.

This number five equates to years I value as the most important of my life.
This number five represents me in its entirety
This number five demonstrates the things I can achieve in my life
This number five helps me recognize all my inefficiencies
This number five helps me keep moving when future failures occur

 

You’ve probably guessed it by now, and if you haven’t yet. Not only does this number five represent a number of years I have been through but also THE number of years I have felt like I’ve wasted. That same old feeling of “regret” partnered with the big old SIGH. This is often known as Anxiety. The feeling that is often undertaken by your own denial. That exact feeling you had going into every test or quiz you weren’t ready for. That DEEP breath you can’t seem to suppress due to a “moment of stress” a.k.a. Anxiety. Sometimes it happens with almost no context. It just overwhelms you and takes you for a spin with what it feels like a black hole inside of your body. With every breath you take, being tenser each time. The important take away that I got from having deep-rooted Anxiety is to really acknowledge the fact that it’s present, not past or future, but present. When I’m ready for it, I feel like I am more prepared to accept it as it happens and am able to re-zone myself. Just like when an experienced soccer player would be able to predict the next move. To be able to transcribe that ability into your own mind so you can only benefit from it.

Here’s another metaphor cause I’m in love with metaphors:

Someone who’s never done a backflip or frontflip will never know how until they have experienced through trial and error. To be able to confidently jump knowing what will happen next knowing there is a risk. The reward? Well, pretty evidently landing that back or front flip is the most satisfying feeling (As seen on YouTube). So what is your mental frontflip that you’re afraid of? It’s okay to wipe out and fall flat-out. The most effective way to learn it is to try it for yourself. Some people find it easier than others. For me, it took five years to really figure out that I’m in a pretty shitty situation in my life. For you, it may take longer or shorter. Don’t compare yourself to me or anyone else. This is your frontflip to learn. I used frontflip because I’m trying to plant a subconscious idea in your head for forward thinking. See what I did there? 😉

**By no means is this the exact same for everyone. I am trying to articulate how I feel and hopefully help some of you out there discover or raise a few questions for yourself to see if this is true for you.

Today was an intense emotional ride for myself in particular. The moment I saw the hours I spent in the past 5 years I realized how much time I could have used for my future. Instead, I’ve collectively spent AT LEAST 10% of those hours in video games. Yeah.. 43,800 hours and I spend a nice minimum of 4380 hours in video games. If I spent even a quarter of that time (1095 hours) in trying to manage my life better. I could have been in a better place. To wrap things up here’s a quote from Drake,

“Better late than never but never late is better”

Yes, it is indeed cliché, but don’t block yourself from these clichés as they may be the most important lessons of life to learn from. They have become notoriously cliché for a reason.

Unfortunately, we have come to a conclusion and bringing this blog post to a close. I will end it with explaining why I feel like I’ve fallen in love again. I feel like there’s hope, I actually applied to Video Design and Production as the last choice. Little did I know when I got accepted into it I felt like it should have been my first and only choice. Weird right. I am literally shaking with anticipation and excitement for what this next year has to bring, just like that moment when that special someone says yes to you. Just like that moment when that special someone asks you out. No words can explain it, just sheer joy. The next step is to discover what it’s all about and see if you want to stay in it for life. I never thought life could be like this but right now, it’s looking bright! They say that there’s a silver lining on every cloud. Man did this past cloud feel like it was longest and darkest one ever. I’m so happy I can see the horizon clearing up for a brighter tomorrow.

Anywho, I won’t keep you. Too-da-loo! I hope to hear from you guys to see what questions you might have for me. I hope you guys have an amazing day and subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already! I promise it’ll be worth your while. At least I’ll try my very hardest haha.

I got lucky to be Irrelevant in high school

If we played with Fisherprice toys in our childhood we most likely have been to the evilest place on the planet, high school. This vile place for many is often caused by the social hierarchy involved. Personally, within this social ladder, I consider myself as the floater. The one who goes around to every group trying to fit in and be a part of something. Tried that for about two years and discovered that I can never commit to one group. Mainly due to the people within it which I can not bare or vice versa. I became aware that I disliked being surrounded by people who act differently when I’m alone with them versus while in the group.

I gradually became a solo act, started by skateboarding with a couple other people. Which they over time, fell out of it but I kept pushing along. I quickly discovered that I was beginning to learn the words, extroverted and introverted so I googled it. According to my research, I felt like I was extroverted at the same time introverted, I discovered that I resonate with being ambiverted.

Of course, I did not know how to interpret this at 16 years old. Being a guy, on average I have not been in the social realm for as long as girls have. I mean, during recess in grade school, I played with worms and sports while girls messed with each other’s minds and emotions. My thoughts were always very short termed and temporary. I became angry at the world for not accepting me. Fast forward six years, today along with the main point of this post is this.

Every single Facebook status I make, every tweet, every Instagram post has a new perspective that caught my attention. The people who bothered to click “Like” MEANT to click “Like”. I do not get any “pity” likes just because people want to impress me. Of course, it is daunting at times, but to know that the friends who were always trying to impress others get quantity likes due to others wanting to “maintain” a good connection. I don’t have to second guess my audience and waste my time asking myself if people ACTUALLY like my content. I can push out what I love and not even think twice. This is all thanks to my irrelevance in high school to be able to fear less.

To wrap this up, if I were to give myself advice from when I was going into high school it would be this:

Start skateboarding now so you become independent sooner due to the drive when you fill your head full of passion vs lack of passion. Make your mistakes now and make them grande. It’ll hurt less when you don’t understand it at the same time it’ll help you have major key epiphanies as you grow up. Succeeding 7/14 is better than 2/2. You succeeded 5 more times than 2/2. You also get feedback in those 7 times you’ve failed either from your own understanding or from others. As for the 2/2, when you fail you will feel hopeless since you are inexperienced in failing. Notice how I’m not swearing? Yeah, that is because when you do. It’ll be that much more fucking impactful, Jacky.

 

I want to take this time to thank you all for reading this post! It means a lot you guys consumed this, to begin with. Feel free to click around to view more of my brain’s ponderous moments. If you believe it is worth it, throw me a “Like” or a comment so I know you enjoy what I’m putting out!

Nicety brought despair in my life

During my childhood, I was always taught to “treat others how you would want to be treated”. Logically, this idea sounds amazing and a fantastic way to connect with each and every person. Of course, on the other hand, we have our delinquents, who do not abide by those words and commit sinister actions towards another. The time spent trying to treat others the way we would like to be treated becomes a part of us. The ones who truly believe in it and want nothing else but for someone else to be okay with them. I wanted to be known as a good person, nice, to stay out of trouble and to not draw negative attention to myself. I believe many people can resonate with me on this one. I have become the type of person to give and never expect anything back. The kind of mentality which is often known, “as long as you are happy I will be happy”.

So I have never thought about this before today. This idea of living life as a compensator in hopes everyone could have a better day. This idea of being so consumed into enabling others to feel a positive emotion even if it is not something in my very own interest to invest in. Sometimes even for people, I do not necessarily feel satisfying going out of my way for. I have recently learned about The Pareto principle:

The Pareto principle
(also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor sparsity) states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

As this principle by Joseph M. Juran suggests, about 20% of the people in my life is 80% of your memorable experiences when I hang out with them. Whether that be the best moment of your life or the worst. So when I reflected back onto my significant experiences in my life, it is mostly true. The times I am hanging out with a big group of people there usually are that significant few who stand out and set the tone for the entire event.

So why did it bring despair into my life? After pondering for a long time, I’d like to believe it is because I disregarded myself so much to the point where I monotonically agree to obligations without first evaluating my own value. I just believe that if I am able to help then I will help. I have learned since to make sure I know what I am getting myself into before committing to something I may not enjoy. I began to emotionally bid when times were tough in my life. Not understanding why someone would be so willing to accept my help but when I ask for help no one is there to care. Filled with so much anger and negativity but nowhere to vent my over pressurized tank. I have since learned to cut out the people in my life who were not contributing to my well-being. I found myself to be obligated to help others when I am the one who needs help. Then it cycles back around thinking, “it will be different this time”. It will never turn around because I am too focused on others rather than myself. My friends will not even know where to start to help me since I am not focused on helping myself. “It starts with number one” as one of my friends said, “number one being you.”

 

Why do we fear talking about the things that make us Vulnerable?

Many people talk about their start-up successes from dying to flying. Not enough people talk about their mental success from crying to trying. From what I’ve been through in my life during tragedies, I learned some valuable lessons. No one cares about me. They all have their own lives as complex and vivid as our own. The unofficial word for this I believe is Sonder. Click the word to watch a magical video story on it.

So here I am pondering every single day stuck with my brain churning emotions and thoughts. One question that is reoccurring in my mind is, “How can I get others to care?” One conclusion I have come up over the years is, if am able to connect with others and show value to them, then maybe they would care. To speak out my testimony, not for pity but to show my growth and possibly attempt to inspire a drive within them to WANT to TRY. Often times that is the underlying issue, where someone feels like it is not WORTH trying to begin with. I don’t care for your possessions or your assets. What I care is for your well-being.

Mind you, chasing happiness is no different than chasing money. They are both very earthly bound matters. Think about it. Only on this planet earth, you can feel the emotion of “happiness”. Also, the same place where you find money. So if chasing happiness or money is both toxic. What is something we should strive to achieve? I believe having sought after happiness after my parents’ divorce, I always inevitably feel a low no matter how happy I became. Thus, I don’t believe there is one true happiness. To be happy for the rest of my life is just not realistic. I’ve come to realize that I just have to be able to be there for someone even if it is myself. When the worse comes to worst or the good becomes great. So if I want to leave a legacy behind I have to put myself in a position where I can handle anything life throws at me. By being able to “handle it”, I mean to really be able to keep your own morals and judgment at the same humbled manner no matter how rich or poor you are, emotionally or financially.

I love people. I love what the world has to offer because it is a true test of what someone is able to do to become world class. But in the very end, a casket is a casket. Whether wood, metal or marble. Blood is blood whether A, B or O. You are on this earth. This earth is accepting. Just reach out and make something of it. The world won’t care if you don’t care. If you care about yourself and your own mental well-being. Make that known. Others will be right there to support you. STAY WEAK.

3 Principles of life learned through skateboarding

 

(Yes, this is me in the picture)

This idea stemmed from being able to predict and catch a kickflip as it flips upwards. This has taught me a few principles in my life.

One of which is the experience required to achieve true understanding. Without smashing my shins hundreds of times and exhausting all the negative and positive outcomes, I would not have discovered the most effective and efficient way to do the kickflip. I now understand that I need to jump ahead of my board to catch it as it comes up to my feet, opposed to flipping it and then falling back on top of the board. This is the difference between experience vs inexperience. I learned through seven years of skateboarding that it could take up to seven years or more for an idea to manifest.

Another principle I have learned through kickflips is that planning is very important. Planning to be successful in a trick leads to the dissection of a trick. I obsess over it and never settle until I land it 300 times, planning each trick from the beginning to the end. Carrying this principle into my life yielded great results. I learned to control my irrational decisions better, albeit not perfectly. I now understand that I must work towards something, no matter the significance of the outcome. Even if I land the trick with my toes, it’s still a land. Just try again and make it better. Just like these blog posts, I kinda like how I format it. Once I give it a week and review it, I’m horrified by my lack of experience, haha.

Which leads to the last major principle that I’ve learned. At the end of the day, whether or not I have been successful, my life is now changed forever, as long as I am consistently passionate for what I am doing, even if I did not have a satisfactory skate session. I will take the “L” and move on. I think about why certain things didn’t work; I take a break from it. During my next approach, I’ll have a better strategy. Lately, before my ankle sprain, I was learning tricks relatively quickly because of this. I took skateboarding less seriously and focused on what I wanted to do. I had a new strategy each time I thought of something new. Deconstruct and reconstruct tricks to make sense of it, then adapt my body to finesse those tricks. In translation, “Deconstruct and reconstruct goals to make sense of it. Then adapt my mentality to finesse those achievements.”

Welp, that’s it for now! I’m sure there’s a lot more I learned through skateboarding that I’ve applied to life, philosophies and such. Thanks for reading, I hope you all have an incredible week!

 

Significance – The Potential Murderer

Today, let’s take a look at the experiences you go through and its significance as a whole. To put it into perspective, think of the moment you decided NOT to try something because the foreseeable outcome is non-favorable or is not to its fullest potential. Okay, now that I introduced the idea, it is clear where I am headed. You could stop reading here but I’m going to explain my philosophy anyway.

“It is better to aim high and miss than to aim low and hit.” – Les Brown

The significance of everything you believe in is as you perceive it. I came to a realization in my life that changed the way I handle things forever. Here’s a question for you: have you ever realized that the mental environment of each situation/moment is dictated by the reactions of the people involved? Yeah, it’s pretty crazy now that you look back at it. When you become angry and yell versus understand and walk away. Monks call this as being “enlightened”. Being aware of the control you have over every single decision you make when it happens. The mental battle of whether or not you should commit to something due to the significance of the beneficiary details. If you have the time and resources at that moment, for that task that may benefit you in the most minimal way. Ultimately, the event is still an achievement at the end of the day. “Celebrate the small successes” something I heard from one of Tim Ferris’ podcasts.

Restricting yourself from exploring possibilities and taking advantage of the opportunities presented to you due to your value of significance puts you at a disadvantage. At the end of the day, YOU are living a life of your own. I mean, if YOU are not then who is? You are alive today, you might as well do the things you love. Especially if you feel like you’re in a rut. You’ve really got nothing to lose. If you’re able to start a business and keep it going without understanding your passion and love for things greater than the human connection. Once you find that passion and love. Your business will only flourish from it.

Live the way you enjoy even if you are only achieving an “insignificant” amount of success. You are progressing in an area you would sacrifice your thumbs for. When you are doing something you dread, no matter if you reach to become a Product/Project Manager you will not feel satisfied or fulfilled. Have an amazing day and good luck!

Bodhi Monastery: What does it mean to be “enlightened”

Tim Ferriss – The Magic of Mindfulness: Complain Less, Appreciate More, and Live a Better Life

The Tower of Success

Since a young age, we were all introduced to the idea of working towards success no matter the significance of the reward. Just the other day I was talking to a good friend about my past relationship of why it went south. After that break-up, I had many life epiphanies. I thought that the relationship was worth so much to me as it normally would for many people. The only person aside from my family whom I would truly indulge my entire well-being, mentally and physically. Someone I believe in so wholeheartedly that I do not necessarily need to know where they are headed in life and still have faith that they would find a way to be happy. Her intentions in life were so pure, where I felt like I was the one tainting her. So this article, “The Tower of Success” stems from the thoughts after my break-up.

Throwing my life into a spiral, my mind naturally went into problem-solving mode. Asking the infamous “what if…” questions which inevitably ended in very irrational thoughts. Every single time I caught myself asking “what if…” I follow up with a “now what?”. Having done this, I came to a clear conscious conclusion while speaking with my friend. He asked me, “What happened between the two of you?”. To simply put it, being who I am, I used an analogy.

This was my answer:

Imagine a structure the size of a Jenga tower. It is imperative to use such a scale to see the “bigger picture”. This is the representation of Success (The Tower of Success). So the people who have already made it to the top have laid out ladders for those who are trying to get to the top. These are the clearest ways as we all start out in life, to climb these ladders and achieve each level of success. Now, this is why the scaling of this tower is important at your point of view. Without this point of view, you will not see how many little specks are scattered around this tower trying to build a jetpack, rocketship, catapult or some sort of elevation device. These are your innovators, your one cousin or sibling who seemingly can never hold a job but has big ambitions. These are the people who constantly try to figure out their own way instead of using an already established method to get to the top. They are the people who believe the risk of losing everything is worth it, in the end, they are doing the things where their passions lay. The trade-off is that sometimes these innovations may die with them, unfinished. Everyone who are climbing the ladder may very well have already made it to the top. What my girlfriend at the time did not understand is why I am willing to keep struggling through what I believe in and earn little to nothing, yet still, continuing to do the things I do. I am willing to die for what I believe in even if it does not take me anywhere in life, financially. Let us say that the day comes and my innovation works. Lifting me up to the top faster than anything and anyone could have imagined. Imagine how many people who are climbing these ladders would voluntarily head down these ladders to try my innovation. Imagine how many lives I have impacted, what my once considered, “ludicrous beliefs” have manifested into. This is what pushes me to continue to strive and do what I believe in no matter what anyone says.

My question to you to finish this off is:

If you consider yourself as being “alive”, then don’t you think experiencing all the lows of life are just as if not MORE important than the highs?